My affection for The Great Detroit

I am proud to say that I am from the great big Detroit, Michigan area.  There was a time would that would not have been so meaningful to me, but as my life goes on I see how much it really has shaped me.  I do not want to mislead anyone, I did not live in "Detroit" per say.  I was suburbia all of the way.  I loved the culture of Cranbrook,  the magnificent gardens of Meadowbrook (belonging to my Alma mater Oakland University) and my  connections to local coffee shop regulars.  I am sure there will be more to come on my experiences from these places as time goes on.   But for now I feel a disclaimer coming on.  For those of you that don't know we have recently moved to Fort Wayne.  When I say recent, I mean within the last two years.  Anyone who has moved knows that it is a humbling experience, drop in with only a verbal timeline of your life with people who do not have any shared life or experiences with you.  Now, don't get me wrong, people have been open and receptive.   Like anything, relationships take time, trust is built over proven experiences.  Uprooting one's life is much different than simply changing the color of one's hair or getting bangs.  Though it can certainly be as shocking!
I can honestly say, within the last few months I have finally come to embrace our new home away from my   affectionate Detroit area.  Though we do not live there anymore, my heart still yearns to keep our family heritage and memories alive.  I find comfort knowing we can have frequent visits to our infamous cider mills, museums, and gorgeous lakes.

Freedom

I am not sure how many people have seen the film Braveheart.  It is one of my all time favorites in spite of all of it's gore.  Recently I have found myself in a time of pruning, rebirth, recreating, restructuring, redefining, take your pick.  It's all true.   For any that have known me and our family I have spent the last few years writing and piloting curriculum.  We spent the summer running camps and getting traction to prove a successful business model.    Like starting any business, I wore many different hats.  All hats I was comfortable wearing, regardless it was still many.   One early morning driving into one of our camps my son asked me a question.  A question I found to be both intuitive and insightful.  He said, "  mom, I do not mind these camps, but we have been working very hard....(pause)    Is this really the quality of life you want for us? (sigh)  I think that is a question I will always cherish and use as a part of my decision making process.  It is one that helps keep focus and intentionality and to live a life that is not reactionary.Something I work very hard at.  I am glad to know that he is able to ask such questions of me and of himself.   I feel like somewhere, some of this parent  talk is not just something he hears, but honestly processing.  Hmm...    Is this the quality of life you want?

All of our traction paid off as we have reached yet another milestone of validity.  Validation:  when someone or some one's believe enough in your business model and company that they are willing to invest in it and in you.   I have learned that this is a fundamental step in any start up.  It has taken many times back to the drawing board, wracking my brain, banging my head, biting my nails, cutting my hair, (I will spare you of any more details, ) until finally I chose to see my situation differently.  It was not a personal rejection of me, of my product, of my purpose.  It was simply a business model.  This is a  positive challenge to be embraced, not a personal attack to destroy me.  It was not personal at all.  So much of life is not personal.  This is a good thing.  This means that we are not victims unless we choose to hold on to the illusions of it it being personal.  It is a life lesson.  An opportunity to master one's self, to advance to the next level if you will of one's own character.  Though not pretty, often bloody and painful.  It has a purpose if we desire to make it so.    Hardships are like a sport to train for, to master to win.  Learning the fundamentals of a sport are often times challenging, require extra hard concentration and work, but when mastered the results are liberating and life changing.

 There were many  times I felt the  anguish Mel brilliantly portrays as he lets out his gut wrenched scream Freedom.   In many hard times this scene has popped into my head.  It has helped me to feel motivated at my the very core and to remember the purpose I desire to achieve.  Often times I felt as if I looked as ridiculous and bloody as one in battle.   Only with out the tangible evidence of battle cries and weaponry.

 Sure, I recognize my purpose may not be as grandiose.   All of us have our own unique battles and wars to win.  Cheers to Freedom!   Not taking things personally, winning personal battles, and taking the challenge of mindful mastery.

Chariots of Fire

Today we enjoyed Chariots of Fire.  What an inspiration that movie is.  I must confess it has been many moons since I have watched it.  Some of  my favorite quotes personalized with second hand telling and Jodi perspective.  :)    I think we can  sensibly replace the verb "run" with what ever it is for each of us.  For me it happens to be  seeking and providing a world of meaning.  Psychologically this probably means somewhere along the line, I felt the lack of meaning, and therefore experience a need to create it.  I can finally say, "I am okay with that."

 " I believe God made me with a purpose and I intend to fill that purpose, ( pregnant pause) And He made me really fast.  When I run I feel His Pleasure with me.  I desire Him to take pleasure in me."    

"Many of you came here to watch a race.  You came here to watch my race.   I wish I could say that life is like a race.   But for many of you, you go home to your normal lives, to your work and to your jobs and you do not know what it is like to run.  To feel the high, the rush.  Yes it is a rush, and then it is over."

"I do not run because I want to or because it is my job.  I run because it is what I am compelled to do.  I must run I can not help myself."

Benjamin Button Beginnings?

I recently discovered that as an adopted child I did not have any photographs of myself.  This didn’t bother me until I discovered my lack  of desire to be in photographs.  I became sad as I was reflecting upon the years and noticed even as an adult I tried to stay out of pictures; now I wished I had been in them.  Though I was adopted as a high schooler and had a few pictures, they had burned up in my adopted families fire leaving me with nothing.  I have always known my birth grandmother; she had been a steady force in my life.  One day, I was crying and telling her that I do not have a clue of what I looked like as a child.  I wondered a couple of different things; one, did I look anything like my children? and two, did I look anything like what I look like today?

She told me that she would look for some pictures that might have been packed in storage.  The following day, my grandmother called me.  She had talked with my estranged biological father and he had some childhood pictures for me.   We decided the most efficient way to share them would be on Facebook.  So yet another redemptive factor in favor of Facebook and the unique way technology has changed my life.  So essentially another day passed with the scales slightly tilted in favor of keeping the  Facebook account open. :)  

What Would You Do For a Klondike Bar?

This seems like a simple enough question and a bit random to begin a post with.  I am thinking about ice cream and the importance that it has played in life.  Actually, food in general, I find it no surprise that the sharing a meal is considered a highly spiritual, primal and communal.  Food sustains us, it connects us, brings us pleasure and life can be deadly with out it.     One of my fondest memories is sharing a meal with a culturally diverse group of people, all having different religions with different life experiences eating around one table.  Everyone sharing smiles and nods as I passed around one of my favorite dishes, roasted sweet potato fries.  I often wonder what it was about this time that was so unique and so special.  My conclusion was simple; though we have different preferences, different beliefs, different journeys, ultimately we all have the same needs and longings.    We all need food; this is essential for our survival.  We all need love and to know that someone other than ourselves cares about us and for us.  We all long to feel uniquely loved, to be   “seen” and to be heard.  Sure some people can articulate this better than others.  Then there are some that have gone so long without this need being met that they can no longer hear or feel their own hunger pains for food and for love.    The alternative is those that feel like they are simply getting just enough food to get by, thus resulting in constant crying out, and complaining for more.  Honestly, I have been both.  I have learned over the years for myself and for my children to simply notice where I am at on the hunger wheel.  Am I hungry?  Am I bitter?  Am I crying out for more?  Have I taken the time to eat and to fill my own bucket?   What sort of things do I observe myself saying out loud, or in my head?   Often times these thoughts and feelings is something else!   Luckily they are transient in nature and controllable.  In the past I have convinced myself that they were all dependent upon my circumstances.    The truth is once I learned to act as my own observer I came to realize a few things.   It was always the same story, simply packaged differently.    The older and more educated I became the fancier the packaging became.  The bottom line is we are all motivated by hunger, for both food and for love.  In an odd way we are always asking what would I do for a Klondike bar.